Only A Mothers Touch: 5 Ways to politely say, “Hands Off” My Newborn!
I am not going to beat around the bush with this months post. After having this conversation with several new mothers, I had to write about it. It made me get a bit emotional because, in Western society, we have been so far removed culturally, that we can’t even identify with the desires of the new mom and her baby. We get so caught up on our own ideologies that we miss the fact that… The mother is the BOSS and she (with partner in mind) and the babies siblings are the only ones entitled to handling privileges… and even the older children should be limited. So here is my first statement…
Don’t let ANYONE… make you feel bad for not allowing the whole family to pass around your new born baby!
There is no text book or sacred code that says, Auntie Anne who chain smokes, wears a bottle of Perry Ellis 360 perfume, thick CoCoa Shimmer lipstick, and has 3 inch leopard print stiletto fingernails, has NO privilege over you, or your new baby. YOU have the right to tell her that you prefer her to get a visual of the baby. YOU have the right to request she refrain from smoking, wearing perfume, make-up, and polish when she “schedules” a visit. YOU have the right to restrict visitation too. Although this may be offensive to most… It definitely insures that you have standards In many cultures, the most sacred time within the familial structure is after the birth of a baby. The new mother is in the bliss of empowerment if there was no trauma, the father/partner is innately playing the role of protector as it relates to his innate nature, and the children are moving about in their own merriment concerning their new sibling. Now this is the culture predominantly surrounding most homebirths. BUT… this can be implemented during the birth center and hospital experience as well, when there are no threatening conditions.
This is where the birth-plan comes into play and the creation of a BOSS birth team is vital.
Simply Put… Hands Off!
1.) Please respect this time for me and my baby.
2.) My baby doesn’t need to be held at this time.
3.) Thank you, but maybe some other time.
4.) I am not ready.
5.) I will let you know when.
Why The Hands Off Approach
The bonding period between a mother is first during conception of thought, second during implantation, third during gestational development, and during childbirth. Mothers and babies are most vulnerable during these moments. That is why the “hands-off” approach is so important. Before and after childbirth, it is up to the mother to BOSS Up and set up a plan of action suitable for her and baby. Skin to skin contact is the best way to initiate the bonding process for mother and new baby. Once the baby is birthed from the vagina, he/she passes through the second step of external bonding. The first step is conception itself. Then when the mother is given her baby immediately after birth, the primitive connection locks in that bond… spiritually, physically, and emotionally. These are all sensorial aspects of bonding. This is also capable for babies born of a cesarean. The scent of the new baby is a natural endorphin for mothers. This is the call of the wild that stimulates the initial bonding period.
There is some research that says, too many persons handling the new baby other than mom and dad, shift the hormonal balance and can create overstimulation and weaken the immunity of the new baby. Thus causing anxiety and breastfeeding complications. Although the hands-off approach may be hard for some to identify with, the intense intuitive connection that comes from this period is what helps to aid mom into complete recovery… Which is the next benefit.
The time it takes each woman to recover is different. Some women are up and out shopping the very next day after birth. I experienced this with my second birth. I had an intense need to get out and get air. I walked slowly and enjoyed my time away. I do not recommend this for every woman. In my case this was part of my recovery process. When a woman gives birth she is at her most empowering period in time. Her mind is operating at the highest frequency known to man, so it is important to have proper recovery time after childbirth. This is the most valuable time that a mother can spend with her new baby. Relaxation is not just for the mother, but also for the baby. The two together have been on a magnificent journey and the transition from the internal universe to Earthside can be overwhelming. So it is imperative that a mother has her postpartum plan in action here.
The benefits of having a BOSS birth team is that the mother is able to reconnect to herself and baby in a easy, gentle, and confident way. This not only increases the bond between the mother and her new baby, it also stimulates the production of milk. During this period, moms should enjoy being fully pampered, given good foods, focused on her ability to heal, and be nursed back to optimum health, seamlessly. The hands-off approach is valuable here because, this time is all about mother and baby. In some cultures this is for a full 40-days and some longer to honor mothers through the postpartum period.
A new baby has been safe within the mother for 10 months. Every part of this babies existence has been in connection to the mother. The initial birth from the mothers vagina offers the baby the most advanced immunity available. This is next boosted by skin to skin contact, between the mother and baby. Then when the baby latches on to breastfeed, this establishes the bond for immunity security. When a baby is denied this access to it’s mother, there is a glitch in the sensory communication aspects of the bonding process. The newborn baby that is passed from hand to hand should be done so, with defined parameters. There is nothing more powerful than the love and affection of a mother to HER new baby (with spouse/partner in mind).
The beauty of it all is that when a mother makes up her mind about her terms for care, it is up to those who she has named as her team to support her at all costs. So be mindful of the process of connectivity and transition of bonding for mothers and their babies. The most important point to this post is that women are empowered to think freely for themselves and the welfare of their children without persecution. A woman should be praised and pampered, so that she can send the most “InTune Frequency” to her new baby and then to those around her.
An InTune Mother is a peaceful and empowered mother. She sees her weaknesses and calls out to those for strength and wisdom. She is unashamed of her ignorance and delights in new wisdoms. She holds space for love and light. She remembers herself. She remembers those before her. She gives homage to the process… because she knows… She can choose.